Lif is like that .. and it had to happen sooner or later .. and happen it did
shit spiralled out of control .. man i hate the fact that i did it .. but then there's a trick i kind of developed ... well .. i block it all out ,, a being *human is no longer a word fit to describe me * devoid of emotion .. i ended it .. it was due a long time now .. and like all things good .. it didn't last .. it's gonna take me a while before i start feeling again .. coz there's a single disadvantage to blocking it all out .. it doesn't come back when bidden .. it somehow crawls back into existence .. cold hard reason is all i have left .. i must distance myself from people for a while ,, coz what i built in the past couple of years can come crashing down in a moment .. right now .. albeit blocking is mentally rewarding , it is then when i can't care less for any other being .. at a point .. i mimicked a normal person in order for family not to worry , which matters only in the sense that one too many "mother Teresa " figures would have approached me and amused me with notions such as " there is nothing you can't tell family " ,, where do they come up with that bullshit ?.. so i had to keep my behaviour within the normal parameters .. i'm drifting off point .. but then again this is supposed to be pointless .. right? .. * frowns into the distance * oh well .. now that it's over .. i guess i should set out to explain the reason behind the decision .. and frankly .. i cannot say right now .. *spends the next five minutes staring at the screen , willing the reason to somehow magically materialize onto the screen , fails miserably * the real question is .. why do i have to explain myself .. and again reading this i realize that not many can understand this post .. ha! i don' bilive dis ! .. back to a point before squares .. square one is still far ahead .. randomly jumping from one point to the other .. surprisingly relaxing muscles i wasn't tensed .. knots slowly unwinding .. it's orgasmic .. slipping slowly out of focus ....... lay back and let out a breath i was holding fot the past seven months .. more like a sigh of relief .. at what though?.. i haven't got a clue .. well .. i'm currently trying to fabricate a good enough explanation .. for me .. more than anyone else .. one thing i learned from this .. i am ruthless with my endings .. mental breakdowns i mastered .. to a point where a wrong word from her side .. led to her utter mental destruction .. i doubt she'll open her heart for anyone again .. she'll slip into depression .. and probably try to do something stupid .. prove me wrong ! don't do anything in hope that u'll touch me somewhere soft i didn't know i had in me .. coz it just doesn't exist .. i'd rather she hates me .. it'll be easier for her to move on ..
* snaps his eyes shut and breathes in his surroundings, let's it out slowly .. revels in the fleeting headrush .. plans for nothing but a jay out in the open .. and leaves the room .. as he walks into the distance .. a single thought comes into mind .. feels good to be back .. grins to himself and his eyes widen in excitement at the world full of unexplored fields of interest .. a soft chuckle escapes his mouth .. develops into a full scale cackle as he lights his jay .....*
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
