Conflict

Conflict .. It is the pieces of a puzzle scattered on a surface.. The puzzle itself lies within a chest .. The chest in a dark room .. Surrounded by a million replicas .. The keys to the chest are within it .. It is sealed tight .. With a failsafe that burns all who attempt it .. The room is in a castle .. Guarded by the angel of death .. The castle is on top of the himalayas .. Surrounded with a moat of molten lava .. Searing those who come within earshot of it .. That is the gravity of my personal conflict

BLOOMS THE BUD FROM WITHIN

i couldn't sleep at all last night .. i think it was the premonition .. the dream that foretold .. the reason why .. i lay thinking myself to sleep .. i wake up .. in the middle of the night .. or early in the morning for my case .. because once again the mind is congested ..

the wind bullies a plastic bag into floating from one spot to another .. it lands at the feet of a child .. he giggles .. giddy with astonishment .. and goes off thinking of all the possible places the bag started its journey .. it escapes his sticky hands .. an strong updraft lifts it high .. higher .. it lodges in a wedge on the wall on the fourth floor .. between the two panes of glass separating the balcony from the interior of the flat .. on the other side of the panes .. a single ray of light escapes the tight confines of the drapes .. through that single crack it pierces the darkness .. the millions of dust particles dancing .. in constant motion .. the magnificence of nature's fireworks .. the pinpoint of light .. glints of her nails .. it bothers her .. and she draws her legs into the covers .. wiggles for warmth .. the soft breaths slowly forming dew patches on the hairs on my chest .. the stirring wakes me .. i look down .. at my chest .. try to minimize the movement accompanied with breathing .. and i find her there .. i fasten the curtain of hair that covered her eyes behind her ear .. and i smile .. the ferocity of the red hair beckoning memories of tigresses .. and i light my cigarette .. and puff contentedly .. blowing smoke rings .. her eyelids flutter .. once .. twice .. the smoke tugs her into concioussness .. she grins .. looks at my cigarette and says .. is that ours ??

Tick tock ..

Pitter patter .. trickle .. the wind shield fogs up .. the constant drone of the driver minimized to a bumblebee's buzz .. with a non-committal grunt inserted in the right places .. my mind's free to roam .. looking out the window .. a rain-drop the size of a pea finds its way into my eye .. i blink it out .. tears salty .. stick to the tip of my eye-lashes .. a huge blob clouding my vision .. eyes venture once more .. transfixed by the spray illuminated by the headlights .. running my fingertips through the not so dry air .. the motion tips .. trying aerodynamics .. testing the laws of physics .. who said physics was boring .. and i float .. status .. right .. wrong .. left .. i am .. to live .. to love .. to detach oneself .. choice .. inclinations .. thoughts .. gut wrenching truths .. or the rosy pink existence .. indifference .. apathy .. emotional turmoil .. a safe haven bordered with logic and gated with insecurities .. the walls crack .. creeping across the wall .. the little things .. it tires out eventually .. and cracks .. it's exposed .. inflames .. before i know it it's hitting me again .. interest .. appeal .. indignant morals .. and i ache .. for .. parallel realities .. the thousand creases on the wings of a butterfly .. the uneventful afternoon spent on a rocking chair .. the peace in solace .. the solidity within reason .. the succession of potholes .. the absent mindedness of mobs .. the release unto selflessness .. and .. we're home

The Eye Of The Beholder

I find myself imprinting .. which draws forth .. a beautiful well .. stream of words from me .. at times i don't believe it's me .. but it is .. latest story with me .. her name is .. for lack of literary genius .. let's call her .. Algerian beauty .. it is .. her .. that makes me that .. i can't help it .. it just is .. you'll see what i mean .. words fail .. i swear they do.

I fill my stomach .. Yet i'm nowhere near full
I drink .. Trying to quench the fire .. It burns brighter
Trying to fill the void .. Every second spent in your wake
Every moment in my being .. Dedicated .. To what .. To something .. To someone .. I barely know .. What is this power they possess .. Those wardens of ours .. The Intent .. The clear cut purpose .. This utter devotion .. This urge .. The illogical drive to thrive .. The senseless passion to cushion .. The pathetic migratory slumber .. The steps we take ... it's bleak .. our chances are bleak .. the paths fork into a million others .. all twisting and leading to one

Failure

The next one Hurt more .. coz i thought
My ears prick up at the sound of slippers treading .. Gliding .. Flowing through the corridor .. I shutter my eyes .. Bolt them with willpower .. My head sways with the steady rhythm of her approach .. I seek the wall for support .. Leaning .. Banging my head on the plastered walls .. Their resonance noncompliant with stone .. More a feeble attempt at decent walls .. Still .. The air crisp and dry .. The warmth flows away from me .. The tendrils of the cold caressing my back .. Creeping down my spine .. I almost forget .. And her scent .. The oh so everpresent odor stinging my nose .. A thousand needles stabbing .. Sticking .. Probing my conscience .. Wooing me into consciousness .. The confluence on which upon falters my determination .. Conceding to the wishes of my foolish heart .. My eyes are pried open as i lose the war with matter .. Then she does descend upon the mountain that is my infatuation .. It quivers with anticipation .. The sound and smell once a mosaic .. Now a masterpiece completed with my eyes .. The cauldron of passion brewing under the surface .. Tipping lazily to one side .. Sloshing .. The air grows thin .. Breath comes in shallow croaks .. My vision blurrs .. The light suddenly overwhelming .. Till there was she .. The soft glow emanating from her figure .. The playful slaps of the veil on her shoulder .. The mischevious strands streaking behind her .. The tentative globes blaring with power .. Her blouse hanging loosely exposing an inch of skin .. The blood coursing through my vessels .. Burning .. Heat leaves my skin in waves .. Those pools of hazel .. Boring into my soul .. My eyes fail me .. They fail to capture .. The extravagance .. The sure step .. That carefree laugh .. Not insolent .. Not boasting .. Neither measured nor prosthetic .. She passes me .. Dragging .. Pulling .. Bleeding me dry .. the last pitter-patter of those delicate feet .. Distantly disappearing around the the corner .. This existence of mine once more plunged into a drab colorless odorless world of shadow .. Heading off for a consolatory cigarette .. I think once more .. Reason takes over .. I shrug this trance off .. Willing it .. Pleading with it.. Shutting it into the darkest most desolate corners of my mind .. Only to spring back at her sight ..for i know it cannot .. Will not should not .. Be

and now .. i wait .. for the next time i'm plunged into the world of the living ..

Apathy .. or lack there of

Well i told u i'll be in touch this time .. so through the many days .. a lot of things happened .. some worthy of mentioning .. this is one of those cases .. it seems .. that one of my friends .. a classmate .. an obnoxious one .. extremely annoying .. was crying .. everyone laughed at her face .. a friend took her out .. when she comes back .. turns out her dad got diagnosed with esophageal cancer .. this is how it went ..

Still .. We smile .. She was having a nervous breakdown .. Spun in a guise of physical illness .. We smile .. She shivers with the so called "cold" , tears well up , clouding her vision, she blinks them into the stream forged by their predecessors .. Still we smile .. Bloodshot eyes stare in wonder .. In search of a saviour ..She is scooped up by a sympathetic friend .. Gets up a shivering .. Whimpering , snot nosed being .. A girl at her weakest .. We break out here and there .. Trying to stifle our laughter .. Some succeed .. Others fail .. She's rushed out of class .. The door closes .. The multitude unleash their giggles ..smiles .. Coughs .. And whinnies .. Still we smile .. And poor me .. Lost in this sea of mirth .. Come to a realization so grave .. It would have brought tears into my eyes .. Had i any .. It finally dawned upon me .. It is that .. Within ourselves .. We are as guilty..nay ... Guiltier than any sadist .. we take pleasure in our brethren's pain .. We present ourselves to society with masks that portray us as saints , some better than others .. While They've shed their masks never to be worn again .................................... Later.. The bubble bursts .. .. The truth surfaces .. We regress into wat we were .. The sympathy ..or lack there of .. Hangs in the air.. I sit there jittering .. Afraid to close my eyes .. And everytime i risk it .. I hope the vision goes away .. Coz everytime i do close them .. I see it .. I see a pack of vultures sweeping in .. Hovering over a carcass .. Letting loose their cries and diving in to wet their beaks.. Snapping off flesh and limb .. Claws dripping blood .. Their faces familiar .. And i see my own amongst them .. my eyes open .. I rush to wipe off the moisture from my eyes.. And i look into hers .. Look from one face to another .. I glimpse shards of pity .. All of us.. wallowing in self pity ... I force my eyes shut .. Indulge in a silent prayer .. What i pray for .. I cannot fathom .. All i can hope for .. Is to be human

Tribute

seven months .. where'd you .. i miss u so .. feels like like it's been forever .. time flies by .. it seems .. i've gotten boring-er .. it's been waay too long .. losing my edge .. so .. let's recap .. october .. all the way through to may .. no mean task .. but as a member of Kiss-My-Anthia said .. " Let's do this we shall" .. the memories wash over me .. to drown or not to drown .. oh well .. it's been a rocky seven months for me .. very bumpy .. time and time again .. same story .. different characters .. feels like i've done this before .. have i ? monologues .. soliloquys .. my favourite .. too long to tell in one telling .. one thing i realized from all these months .. is that there are only two states of being .. bad or worse .. so .. what is it .. that makes us happy ..what is it .. that eases the pain .. that makes it bearable .. it is the presence of people .. friends ... brothers .. for better or worse .. there all the way ..sharing it .. all of it .. same blood coursing through our veins .. for they who stood to be my punching bag .. those who taught me .. the meaning of bonds .. how it feels to pull and be pulled out of the darkness .. those who slapped me with the truth .. who punched virtue, kicked confidence , body-slammed fun into me .. now .. on my feet .. standing my ground .. still have a long way to go .. but i see a light at the end of the tunnel .. believe it .. the road doesn't seem so long .. not anymore .. and this .. weany as it may be .. my way .. words .. written .. engraved .. is my tribute .. to you fag .. Puppet master .. Carlton ...

Blunders of a Rubberband | Desensitize

Lif is like that .. and it had to happen sooner or later .. and happen it did
shit spiralled out of control .. man i hate the fact that i did it .. but then there's a trick i kind of developed ... well .. i block it all out ,, a being *human is no longer a word fit to describe me * devoid of emotion .. i ended it .. it was due a long time now .. and like all things good .. it didn't last .. it's gonna take me a while before i start feeling again .. coz there's a single disadvantage to blocking it all out .. it doesn't come back when bidden .. it somehow crawls back into existence .. cold hard reason is all i have left .. i must distance myself from people for a while ,, coz what i built in the past couple of years can come crashing down in a moment .. right now .. albeit blocking is mentally rewarding , it is then when i can't care less for any other being .. at a point .. i mimicked a normal person in order for family not to worry , which matters only in the sense that one too many "mother Teresa " figures would have approached me and amused me with notions such as " there is nothing you can't tell family " ,, where do they come up with that bullshit ?.. so i had to keep my behaviour within the normal parameters .. i'm drifting off point .. but then again this is supposed to be pointless .. right? .. * frowns into the distance * oh well .. now that it's over .. i guess i should set out to explain the reason behind the decision .. and frankly .. i cannot say right now .. *spends the next five minutes staring at the screen , willing the reason to somehow magically materialize onto the screen , fails miserably * the real question is .. why do i have to explain myself .. and again reading this i realize that not many can understand this post .. ha! i don' bilive dis ! .. back to a point before squares .. square one is still far ahead .. randomly jumping from one point to the other .. surprisingly relaxing muscles i wasn't tensed .. knots slowly unwinding .. it's orgasmic .. slipping slowly out of focus ....... lay back and let out a breath i was holding fot the past seven months .. more like a sigh of relief .. at what though?.. i haven't got a clue .. well .. i'm currently trying to fabricate a good enough explanation .. for me .. more than anyone else .. one thing i learned from this .. i am ruthless with my endings .. mental breakdowns i mastered .. to a point where a wrong word from her side .. led to her utter mental destruction .. i doubt she'll open her heart for anyone again .. she'll slip into depression .. and probably try to do something stupid .. prove me wrong ! don't do anything in hope that u'll touch me somewhere soft i didn't know i had in me .. coz it just doesn't exist .. i'd rather she hates me .. it'll be easier for her to move on ..
* snaps his eyes shut and breathes in his surroundings, let's it out slowly .. revels in the fleeting headrush .. plans for nothing but a jay out in the open .. and leaves the room .. as he walks into the distance .. a single thought comes into mind .. feels good to be back .. grins to himself and his eyes widen in excitement at the world full of unexplored fields of interest .. a soft chuckle escapes his mouth .. develops into a full scale cackle as he lights his jay .....*

Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus

Second Chances

yea i know, it's been too long, and i haven't filled anyone in on what happened .. my english is going down the drain .. too much command and conquer of the english language .. well to start off .. i'll have to go way back .. around a little more than a month ago .. i started working on my asssignments .. basically ..twenty fifteen hundred word papers to give in .. i did three on my own .. but realized i was running out of time ..
so i delegated .. at some point .. every one in the house was writing except me .. i was "preparing" the rest of the topics*basically googling the topics and choosing the one that best fit my needs,for 5 minutes .. while TEAMO SUPREMO did all the work for me* and then i really ran out of time .. coz i only had so much time on my hands and sooo many things i had to do .. well i guess i wasted my time .. but i thought i still had a little more on my hands .. by the 23rd of august .. i was done with most of my assignments .. only had two left .. and was on a plane headed for hellholese .. i got there later that day .. and figured out that the due date for one of my two subjects was moved up a few days .. from the 28th to the 24th .. at that point i figured out that cave wouldn't make it .. coz his plane arrived on that same morning * 24th* at around five am .. and he would've probably gone to sleep as soon as he set foot inside the house .. and slept thru the day .. missing the due date of the assignment .. hence not being permitted to do the exam for a second time .. which means that his chance of repeating were really high .. so i trusted tha he'd have enough sense to switch his phone as soon as he got to hellholese . and trust to a high volumed ringing tone ..i called him up .. and had him come over to uni .. hwere he copied off the last of his assignments .. had some newporters and handed them in on time .. now all we had to do was .. well .. do a weeks worth of studying in 2 days .. 2 days later .. the first exam was good .. the second one was on ramadan's eve .. 7 hours was all i had to study wat would take me a week .. and i knew i was gonna get fucked .. coz my life as i knew it was on the line .. well .. i finished off the main topics and memorized questions that i knew would most likely come .. spent the first week wishing and praying for a pass .. and then .. the day came .. * holding a cigarette in the middle of my fast .. vowing that i'd light it and smoke it if i don't pass * the registrar strutted into view .. and the masses clashed into him .. everyone hoping for a glimpse at the piece of paper that determined the course of their lives for at least a year to come .. he held the stack high .. blocking its sight from view .. and nailed the results onto the board .. no one approached it .. until a girl came .. looked at it once .. and toppled over unconcious .. then they came .. the crowd trampled everything in its way ..amidst the confusion .. cave and i sat muttering our last prayer before the stampede .. and we descended on the board like a tornado .. it fell down form the impact .. and people were climbing over each to get to the results .. i spotted my name on the sheet .. and i passed .. so did cave .. a few of our friends were overwhelmed with the news .. and their eyes welled up ..
AND THEN CAME THE PARTY .. AND I LOST SOMETHING WHICH WAS DEAR TO ME .. NEXT .. Blunders Of A Rubberband


Flexiloquus Abdera sensus

Long Time no .. u know the rest

It's been a while hasn't it ... almost three weeks now ... well .. in my defense .. i had no laptop for all that period .. i just got it today .. *does the insane laugh routine * .. and the computer at home is just too infected.. too old , too slow , probably passed the limit of every other thing .. so instead of listing the too's i guess i'll have to say it's pretty messed up .. anyway .. updates.. i arrived in my homeland which is not my homeland ... lost contact with the cave for about the same length of time .. his dad probably killed him for getting debarred .. which makes me happy i'm not him .. oh yeah .. on the day i arrived i surprised my friends by calling them from the country .. and meeting up with them in less than an hour after i got there .. krispy kinda got bigger .. as in his every thing grew to match his belly.. if that were possible .. but apparently i had a growth spurt too .. i'm officially taller than he is now * smiles at the memory *
anyway .. 5arman is still as 5arman as ever .. been broke as i've ever been though .. not fun .. i was rich when i first came over though .. oh .. and th highlight of today's post .. *drumroll* *readers gripped with anticipation*
i met with reverse is convicted ... man i missed her .. the first time i saw her thsi holiday .. it was the shortest embrace in my life .. although i kinda lifted her off her feet .. but we had to cut it short .. too many people around that might know her dad .. so we went to watch batman * the dark knight * it was a beautiful movie .. had to watch it again .. didn't catch much of it the first time * smirk *
any waaaaaay ... it was beautiful .. she was as beautiful and as innocent and funny and as shy as ever ... i looooooooooooooove her * 15 o's .. beat that CAVE * any way we went out a couple more times until i realised my time was running out and i had to start al 7afir ( hellholese slang for studying hard ) .. and also happened to be broke .. spent the rest of the time pretending to study while hanging out with my highschool friends .. who were a bunch of dilated people who were and still stand at the top of the list .. along with other friends " ur in there cave * emotional moment.. sniffs and goes on * .. damn when did i turn all mushy .. moving on ... it was good hanging out with these people .. 5arman .. krispy .. and the FAG .. yeah u know who u are .. a3mal raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaye7!!! ahem ...

yeah .. so i finally said goodbye to krispy .. and from that day onwards .. i lost contact with all my friends for no reason in particular .. until i borrowed a charger off 5arman .. which i'm using to power my laptop which i'm using to access the internet .. which i'm using to post this .. funny how the mind works .. anyway .. so i stand here .. in awe of all the work that i have to do " THE ASSIGNEMENTS " which are basically a way for uni to make ur life a bit harder coz they couldn't afford to teach u a summer course .. THEY HAVE 5 SIXES

Time is running out ..i have waged a war that could end my life as i know it .. with the the most ruthless enemy .. Time

wish me luck
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus

Blessed soul

so yeah... it's 8:39 am one more all nighter just took place ...

i stayed in the library until ten o'clock .. at which point it closed .. and they literally kicked us out ... we stayed on the stairs for a while ( where the signal was strongest ) and then ventured out into the grounds of Fox river ... i went online again on the steps between the lectures .. where power outlets were non-existent and went on skype (( which i think is the best messenger in the world)) ... yeah and i met reverse is convicted online .. on skype .. and we talked for almost an hour before my battery threatened to leave me hanging without saying goodbye.. so i rushed thru my goodbyes and got into the lecture rooms and plugged my charger in the " nick of time " it was fun .. man i'm gonna enjoy this holiday .. and i'm gonna enjoy having a FREE ..MODERATE SPEED.. INTERNET CONNECTION .. :D .. where a few guys wanted to play this new game on face book called " Who Has The Biggest Brain " it's fun .. and is a real time consumer/ waster wen ur bored ... anyway .. we combined our forces and got to the 3rd place out of 60 people ... anyway after that ... i went home and remembered that my dad was coming on the same night ... around 6:00 am .. and had to make a choice between two non-appealing choices ... i either sleep and miss him again( i did that last time .. and him being so nice .. he never mentioned .. it's like u can't but like him .. but then again he's my dad ) .. or i wait up until we go pick him up from the airport at 6 am .. i stuck with the latter ... and waited up .. smoked a few jays .. and waited until 5 .. i went and woke my uncles up to go get my dad .. waited up .. got caught smoking by my uncle who did not panic at all in fact .. i just pretended he wasn't there and finished my jay .. and went on wen i was done as though nothing happened .. and then i met my dad .. said hi .. cracked a few jokes and we both cracked up .. i really missed him .. or maybe his pocket .. i dunno :-p. well he joked about my debarring .. a little too much.. it was embarrassing .. but he told me not to dwell on it too long .. really lifted my spirits .. and then he surprised me with a birthday present .. which was this surprisingly *SICK* pair of shoes .. man dad really does have good taste .. oh yeah .. and i got enough kitkats to last me the whole holiday * does a little victory dance *.. and ended up in his sister's ( my aunt's ) house and sit her now typing this up while "chatting" with my cousins who think i'm not a " social person " because i don't come around very often .. what's up with that ? i am a really busy person .. busy enough to start a blog .. ok maybe no that busy but busy anyway ... man for now i need to stop this because my cousins are staring a little too hard .. i need to pick up the non-existent conversation we were having .. anything to make them happy
* looks at the situation and scratches his head *

Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus

All the wrong reasons

It's been 2 days since my last post .. got a bit busy ... so here it is
for all the wrong reasons .. that's what i think ... every thing happened .. so i make mistakes .. i'm only human ..anyway

update
after my last post i went into paper 2 and did amazingly well .. stayed awake all day until like 10 .. then had to take my sister home ... man that girl is soo whiny... she whines about whining... yea i know ... but she's family .. anyway next day ..which was yesterday .. i woke up late .. barely made it to the practical .. did extremely bad .. fell asleep on my desk .. looked around to find no one left in the exam hall .. so i gave my paper in and walked out scratching my head ..everyone on the other side started laughing .. and i had this puzzled look on my face .. turns out my the desk was kinda serrated so my face was marked all over with stripes.. it was funny to look at .. i guess .. i smoked the last cigarette from yesterday's pack in celebration to "the end of my exams" ( i only had one subject to begin with. :p ). anyway .. and i went on my laptop for a minute only for my obnoxious sister to take my laptop to "Study" .. at that point u can only guess how much i hate her... moving on ... i spent the waiting time discussing something with someone ... and i realized that all of it was for the wrong reasons .. all of it .. i don't know anything about it .. i guess i was so happy it happened that i neglected any further efforts to make it better .. i just kept it at the same pace
and then i got bored .. i know i'm being and asshole .. i'm afraid that it wouldn't stand the test of time .. of distance .. and then some friend of mine told me that i shouldn't feel so bad .. coz it's the rule of long distances .. i dunno .. i hate myself for saying this .. i do love her .. man this is some weird shit..a year ago .. i wouldn't have believed that word came out of my mouth .. but people change .. and think i like the new me much more than the old me .. back to the main point i was making .. i just had to let this out .. and this is one long post .. but hey .. that's wat it's for right ? me letting it all out ..

and u know wat maybe that friend of mine is right .. it may have not stood thru the test .. man this is confusing .. but u know wat i'm glad i'll never have to find out .. it's about time i finished this up .. right now .. i'm in the library multitasking .. about to go eat .. yeah i'm getting a new charger .. don't have to borrow casserole's anymore .. and now i wait .. for the solution to my dilemma to come .. coz it will .. i just hope it comes in time

Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus

So Far I'm Doing ... not Dying

phew!!!
serious bullet dodging ... i've done well so far ... turns out ... it's about what you study ..not how much u know .. basically study smart .. I'm in a break for paper 2 now going in in at 12:30 pm ... oh yeah . the chronicles .. wat happened exactly was that pulled off an all-nighter with next to no sleep last night .. studies as much as i could .. smoked two packs of bringi( REALLY HEAVY CIGARETTES.. in fact, so heavy that they don't label the packs with the content of the cigarettes .. was online during the act.. this was the gayest night of my life so far ..
well i guess there's a lesson to be learned ...never .. leave it till the last second .. coz trust me
it's not fun ...
off to study for paper 2 now
*fingers crossed*

flexiloquus abdera sensus

Do or Die

this is me panicking about the exam tomorrow .. which is pretty gay, seeing that i had ten days to study for it . well , i guess it is my fault afterall .. i haven't studied "jackshit" yet ... i got a long way to go ... the exam has 13 hrs left ... if i study non-stop from now to the time of the exam ... i still won't finish .. i guess i have to select what i should study .. discard topics i know anything about.. and focus on the ones i'm clueless about .. any way cramming shud start effectively any moment now.

one minute later ... i'm yet to be motivated .. i guess i have to take the initiative .. and actually start .. but i'm gonna blame myself for wasting my time no matter wat .. so i guess .. i should have good memories in the last hours of my career as a Dentist ... still nothing .. wow .. my senses are numbed by the sheer amount of things i have at stake and i still can't get myself to start .. well i guess .. all the credit foes to that prison/school i was in before here, our exams are frequent enough that we lost all the fear that comes with the imminence of exams .. yes i know .. i'm making futile excuses for myself. so feeble are they that i cannot even convince myself of it.

This is where i stand,i either do or die .. and you probably already know this .. but it's not fun .. yes i know this is the consequence of my own actions .. my own disregard to my responsibility .. my failure to comprehend the weight of the situation i'm in.

I think i just earned myself a forearm of righteousness ..

peace.. will not find a way into my mind today ..

I EITHER DO OR DIE

Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus

Findings of a lost soul

true
The Truth Hurts
wise saying ... makes a lot of sense .. until u experience it .. then u just hate the idea.. any way moving back to the main topic .. this is a result of an epiphany I had .. well .. I found out that after such a long time of doing this .. all i've done is make it stable .. and that's not what i want .. but then again .. i got this voice in my head that i've smothered for too long .. and he's right .. it seems that i spent all this time to do it .. and then all what it is i accomplished was provide a base .. which is only the first step .. and now i must build on it .. so basically what i'm trying to say is that . During all those efforts i made to make it happen, i lost myself somewhere on the way .. And myself I need to find.for now i have more pressing matters to worry about .. like the exam i have tomorrow that i am not in the least ready for ... and now for cramming to start ..
i know ..
flexiloquus Andera Sensus