Lif is like that .. and it had to happen sooner or later .. and happen it did
shit spiralled out of control .. man i hate the fact that i did it .. but then there's a trick i kind of developed ... well .. i block it all out ,, a being *human is no longer a word fit to describe me * devoid of emotion .. i ended it .. it was due a long time now .. and like all things good .. it didn't last .. it's gonna take me a while before i start feeling again .. coz there's a single disadvantage to blocking it all out .. it doesn't come back when bidden .. it somehow crawls back into existence .. cold hard reason is all i have left .. i must distance myself from people for a while ,, coz what i built in the past couple of years can come crashing down in a moment .. right now .. albeit blocking is mentally rewarding , it is then when i can't care less for any other being .. at a point .. i mimicked a normal person in order for family not to worry , which matters only in the sense that one too many "mother Teresa " figures would have approached me and amused me with notions such as " there is nothing you can't tell family " ,, where do they come up with that bullshit ?.. so i had to keep my behaviour within the normal parameters .. i'm drifting off point .. but then again this is supposed to be pointless .. right? .. * frowns into the distance * oh well .. now that it's over .. i guess i should set out to explain the reason behind the decision .. and frankly .. i cannot say right now .. *spends the next five minutes staring at the screen , willing the reason to somehow magically materialize onto the screen , fails miserably * the real question is .. why do i have to explain myself .. and again reading this i realize that not many can understand this post .. ha! i don' bilive dis ! .. back to a point before squares .. square one is still far ahead .. randomly jumping from one point to the other .. surprisingly relaxing muscles i wasn't tensed .. knots slowly unwinding .. it's orgasmic .. slipping slowly out of focus ....... lay back and let out a breath i was holding fot the past seven months .. more like a sigh of relief .. at what though?.. i haven't got a clue .. well .. i'm currently trying to fabricate a good enough explanation .. for me .. more than anyone else .. one thing i learned from this .. i am ruthless with my endings .. mental breakdowns i mastered .. to a point where a wrong word from her side .. led to her utter mental destruction .. i doubt she'll open her heart for anyone again .. she'll slip into depression .. and probably try to do something stupid .. prove me wrong ! don't do anything in hope that u'll touch me somewhere soft i didn't know i had in me .. coz it just doesn't exist .. i'd rather she hates me .. it'll be easier for her to move on ..
* snaps his eyes shut and breathes in his surroundings, let's it out slowly .. revels in the fleeting headrush .. plans for nothing but a jay out in the open .. and leaves the room .. as he walks into the distance .. a single thought comes into mind .. feels good to be back .. grins to himself and his eyes widen in excitement at the world full of unexplored fields of interest .. a soft chuckle escapes his mouth .. develops into a full scale cackle as he lights his jay .....*
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
Monday, 6 October 2008
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Second Chances
yea i know, it's been too long, and i haven't filled anyone in on what happened .. my english is going down the drain .. too much command and conquer of the english language .. well to start off .. i'll have to go way back .. around a little more than a month ago .. i started working on my asssignments .. basically ..twenty fifteen hundred word papers to give in .. i did three on my own .. but realized i was running out of time ..
so i delegated .. at some point .. every one in the house was writing except me .. i was "preparing" the rest of the topics*basically googling the topics and choosing the one that best fit my needs,for 5 minutes .. while TEAMO SUPREMO did all the work for me* and then i really ran out of time .. coz i only had so much time on my hands and sooo many things i had to do .. well i guess i wasted my time .. but i thought i still had a little more on my hands .. by the 23rd of august .. i was done with most of my assignments .. only had two left .. and was on a plane headed for hellholese .. i got there later that day .. and figured out that the due date for one of my two subjects was moved up a few days .. from the 28th to the 24th .. at that point i figured out that cave wouldn't make it .. coz his plane arrived on that same morning * 24th* at around five am .. and he would've probably gone to sleep as soon as he set foot inside the house .. and slept thru the day .. missing the due date of the assignment .. hence not being permitted to do the exam for a second time .. which means that his chance of repeating were really high .. so i trusted tha he'd have enough sense to switch his phone as soon as he got to hellholese . and trust to a high volumed ringing tone ..i called him up .. and had him come over to uni .. hwere he copied off the last of his assignments .. had some newporters and handed them in on time .. now all we had to do was .. well .. do a weeks worth of studying in 2 days .. 2 days later .. the first exam was good .. the second one was on ramadan's eve .. 7 hours was all i had to study wat would take me a week .. and i knew i was gonna get fucked .. coz my life as i knew it was on the line .. well .. i finished off the main topics and memorized questions that i knew would most likely come .. spent the first week wishing and praying for a pass .. and then .. the day came .. * holding a cigarette in the middle of my fast .. vowing that i'd light it and smoke it if i don't pass * the registrar strutted into view .. and the masses clashed into him .. everyone hoping for a glimpse at the piece of paper that determined the course of their lives for at least a year to come .. he held the stack high .. blocking its sight from view .. and nailed the results onto the board .. no one approached it .. until a girl came .. looked at it once .. and toppled over unconcious .. then they came .. the crowd trampled everything in its way ..amidst the confusion .. cave and i sat muttering our last prayer before the stampede .. and we descended on the board like a tornado .. it fell down form the impact .. and people were climbing over each to get to the results .. i spotted my name on the sheet .. and i passed .. so did cave .. a few of our friends were overwhelmed with the news .. and their eyes welled up ..
AND THEN CAME THE PARTY .. AND I LOST SOMETHING WHICH WAS DEAR TO ME .. NEXT .. Blunders Of A Rubberband
Flexiloquus Abdera sensus
so i delegated .. at some point .. every one in the house was writing except me .. i was "preparing" the rest of the topics*basically googling the topics and choosing the one that best fit my needs,for 5 minutes .. while TEAMO SUPREMO did all the work for me* and then i really ran out of time .. coz i only had so much time on my hands and sooo many things i had to do .. well i guess i wasted my time .. but i thought i still had a little more on my hands .. by the 23rd of august .. i was done with most of my assignments .. only had two left .. and was on a plane headed for hellholese .. i got there later that day .. and figured out that the due date for one of my two subjects was moved up a few days .. from the 28th to the 24th .. at that point i figured out that cave wouldn't make it .. coz his plane arrived on that same morning * 24th* at around five am .. and he would've probably gone to sleep as soon as he set foot inside the house .. and slept thru the day .. missing the due date of the assignment .. hence not being permitted to do the exam for a second time .. which means that his chance of repeating were really high .. so i trusted tha he'd have enough sense to switch his phone as soon as he got to hellholese . and trust to a high volumed ringing tone ..i called him up .. and had him come over to uni .. hwere he copied off the last of his assignments .. had some newporters and handed them in on time .. now all we had to do was .. well .. do a weeks worth of studying in 2 days .. 2 days later .. the first exam was good .. the second one was on ramadan's eve .. 7 hours was all i had to study wat would take me a week .. and i knew i was gonna get fucked .. coz my life as i knew it was on the line .. well .. i finished off the main topics and memorized questions that i knew would most likely come .. spent the first week wishing and praying for a pass .. and then .. the day came .. * holding a cigarette in the middle of my fast .. vowing that i'd light it and smoke it if i don't pass * the registrar strutted into view .. and the masses clashed into him .. everyone hoping for a glimpse at the piece of paper that determined the course of their lives for at least a year to come .. he held the stack high .. blocking its sight from view .. and nailed the results onto the board .. no one approached it .. until a girl came .. looked at it once .. and toppled over unconcious .. then they came .. the crowd trampled everything in its way ..amidst the confusion .. cave and i sat muttering our last prayer before the stampede .. and we descended on the board like a tornado .. it fell down form the impact .. and people were climbing over each to get to the results .. i spotted my name on the sheet .. and i passed .. so did cave .. a few of our friends were overwhelmed with the news .. and their eyes welled up ..
AND THEN CAME THE PARTY .. AND I LOST SOMETHING WHICH WAS DEAR TO ME .. NEXT .. Blunders Of A Rubberband
Flexiloquus Abdera sensus
Saturday, 16 August 2008
Long Time no .. u know the rest
It's been a while hasn't it ... almost three weeks now ... well .. in my defense .. i had no laptop for all that period .. i just got it today .. *does the insane laugh routine * .. and the computer at home is just too infected.. too old , too slow , probably passed the limit of every other thing .. so instead of listing the too's i guess i'll have to say it's pretty messed up .. anyway .. updates.. i arrived in my homeland which is not my homeland ... lost contact with the cave for about the same length of time .. his dad probably killed him for getting debarred .. which makes me happy i'm not him .. oh yeah .. on the day i arrived i surprised my friends by calling them from the country .. and meeting up with them in less than an hour after i got there .. krispy kinda got bigger .. as in his every thing grew to match his belly.. if that were possible .. but apparently i had a growth spurt too .. i'm officially taller than he is now * smiles at the memory *
anyway .. 5arman is still as 5arman as ever .. been broke as i've ever been though .. not fun .. i was rich when i first came over though .. oh .. and th highlight of today's post .. *drumroll* *readers gripped with anticipation*
i met with reverse is convicted ... man i missed her .. the first time i saw her thsi holiday .. it was the shortest embrace in my life .. although i kinda lifted her off her feet .. but we had to cut it short .. too many people around that might know her dad .. so we went to watch batman * the dark knight * it was a beautiful movie .. had to watch it again .. didn't catch much of it the first time * smirk *
any waaaaaay ... it was beautiful .. she was as beautiful and as innocent and funny and as shy as ever ... i looooooooooooooove her * 15 o's .. beat that CAVE * any way we went out a couple more times until i realised my time was running out and i had to start al 7afir ( hellholese slang for studying hard ) .. and also happened to be broke .. spent the rest of the time pretending to study while hanging out with my highschool friends .. who were a bunch of dilated people who were and still stand at the top of the list .. along with other friends " ur in there cave * emotional moment.. sniffs and goes on * .. damn when did i turn all mushy .. moving on ... it was good hanging out with these people .. 5arman .. krispy .. and the FAG .. yeah u know who u are .. a3mal raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaye7!!! ahem ...
yeah .. so i finally said goodbye to krispy .. and from that day onwards .. i lost contact with all my friends for no reason in particular .. until i borrowed a charger off 5arman .. which i'm using to power my laptop which i'm using to access the internet .. which i'm using to post this .. funny how the mind works .. anyway .. so i stand here .. in awe of all the work that i have to do " THE ASSIGNEMENTS " which are basically a way for uni to make ur life a bit harder coz they couldn't afford to teach u a summer course .. THEY HAVE 5 SIXES
Time is running out ..i have waged a war that could end my life as i know it .. with the the most ruthless enemy .. Time
wish me luck
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
anyway .. 5arman is still as 5arman as ever .. been broke as i've ever been though .. not fun .. i was rich when i first came over though .. oh .. and th highlight of today's post .. *drumroll* *readers gripped with anticipation*
i met with reverse is convicted ... man i missed her .. the first time i saw her thsi holiday .. it was the shortest embrace in my life .. although i kinda lifted her off her feet .. but we had to cut it short .. too many people around that might know her dad .. so we went to watch batman * the dark knight * it was a beautiful movie .. had to watch it again .. didn't catch much of it the first time * smirk *
any waaaaaay ... it was beautiful .. she was as beautiful and as innocent and funny and as shy as ever ... i looooooooooooooove her * 15 o's .. beat that CAVE * any way we went out a couple more times until i realised my time was running out and i had to start al 7afir ( hellholese slang for studying hard ) .. and also happened to be broke .. spent the rest of the time pretending to study while hanging out with my highschool friends .. who were a bunch of dilated people who were and still stand at the top of the list .. along with other friends " ur in there cave * emotional moment.. sniffs and goes on * .. damn when did i turn all mushy .. moving on ... it was good hanging out with these people .. 5arman .. krispy .. and the FAG .. yeah u know who u are .. a3mal raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaye7!!! ahem ...
yeah .. so i finally said goodbye to krispy .. and from that day onwards .. i lost contact with all my friends for no reason in particular .. until i borrowed a charger off 5arman .. which i'm using to power my laptop which i'm using to access the internet .. which i'm using to post this .. funny how the mind works .. anyway .. so i stand here .. in awe of all the work that i have to do " THE ASSIGNEMENTS " which are basically a way for uni to make ur life a bit harder coz they couldn't afford to teach u a summer course .. THEY HAVE 5 SIXES
Time is running out ..i have waged a war that could end my life as i know it .. with the the most ruthless enemy .. Time
wish me luck
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
Friday, 18 July 2008
Blessed soul
so yeah... it's 8:39 am one more all nighter just took place ...
i stayed in the library until ten o'clock .. at which point it closed .. and they literally kicked us out ... we stayed on the stairs for a while ( where the signal was strongest ) and then ventured out into the grounds of Fox river ... i went online again on the steps between the lectures .. where power outlets were non-existent and went on skype (( which i think is the best messenger in the world)) ... yeah and i met reverse is convicted online .. on skype .. and we talked for almost an hour before my battery threatened to leave me hanging without saying goodbye.. so i rushed thru my goodbyes and got into the lecture rooms and plugged my charger in the " nick of time " it was fun .. man i'm gonna enjoy this holiday .. and i'm gonna enjoy having a FREE ..MODERATE SPEED.. INTERNET CONNECTION .. :D .. where a few guys wanted to play this new game on face book called " Who Has The Biggest Brain " it's fun .. and is a real time consumer/ waster wen ur bored ... anyway .. we combined our forces and got to the 3rd place out of 60 people ... anyway after that ... i went home and remembered that my dad was coming on the same night ... around 6:00 am .. and had to make a choice between two non-appealing choices ... i either sleep and miss him again( i did that last time .. and him being so nice .. he never mentioned .. it's like u can't but like him .. but then again he's my dad ) .. or i wait up until we go pick him up from the airport at 6 am .. i stuck with the latter ... and waited up .. smoked a few jays .. and waited until 5 .. i went and woke my uncles up to go get my dad .. waited up .. got caught smoking by my uncle who did not panic at all in fact .. i just pretended he wasn't there and finished my jay .. and went on wen i was done as though nothing happened .. and then i met my dad .. said hi .. cracked a few jokes and we both cracked up .. i really missed him .. or maybe his pocket .. i dunno :-p. well he joked about my debarring .. a little too much.. it was embarrassing .. but he told me not to dwell on it too long .. really lifted my spirits .. and then he surprised me with a birthday present .. which was this surprisingly *SICK* pair of shoes .. man dad really does have good taste .. oh yeah .. and i got enough kitkats to last me the whole holiday * does a little victory dance *.. and ended up in his sister's ( my aunt's ) house and sit her now typing this up while "chatting" with my cousins who think i'm not a " social person " because i don't come around very often .. what's up with that ? i am a really busy person .. busy enough to start a blog .. ok maybe no that busy but busy anyway ... man for now i need to stop this because my cousins are staring a little too hard .. i need to pick up the non-existent conversation we were having .. anything to make them happy
* looks at the situation and scratches his head *
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
i stayed in the library until ten o'clock .. at which point it closed .. and they literally kicked us out ... we stayed on the stairs for a while ( where the signal was strongest ) and then ventured out into the grounds of Fox river ... i went online again on the steps between the lectures .. where power outlets were non-existent and went on skype (( which i think is the best messenger in the world)) ... yeah and i met reverse is convicted online .. on skype .. and we talked for almost an hour before my battery threatened to leave me hanging without saying goodbye.. so i rushed thru my goodbyes and got into the lecture rooms and plugged my charger in the " nick of time " it was fun .. man i'm gonna enjoy this holiday .. and i'm gonna enjoy having a FREE ..MODERATE SPEED.. INTERNET CONNECTION .. :D .. where a few guys wanted to play this new game on face book called " Who Has The Biggest Brain " it's fun .. and is a real time consumer/ waster wen ur bored ... anyway .. we combined our forces and got to the 3rd place out of 60 people ... anyway after that ... i went home and remembered that my dad was coming on the same night ... around 6:00 am .. and had to make a choice between two non-appealing choices ... i either sleep and miss him again( i did that last time .. and him being so nice .. he never mentioned .. it's like u can't but like him .. but then again he's my dad ) .. or i wait up until we go pick him up from the airport at 6 am .. i stuck with the latter ... and waited up .. smoked a few jays .. and waited until 5 .. i went and woke my uncles up to go get my dad .. waited up .. got caught smoking by my uncle who did not panic at all in fact .. i just pretended he wasn't there and finished my jay .. and went on wen i was done as though nothing happened .. and then i met my dad .. said hi .. cracked a few jokes and we both cracked up .. i really missed him .. or maybe his pocket .. i dunno :-p. well he joked about my debarring .. a little too much.. it was embarrassing .. but he told me not to dwell on it too long .. really lifted my spirits .. and then he surprised me with a birthday present .. which was this surprisingly *SICK* pair of shoes .. man dad really does have good taste .. oh yeah .. and i got enough kitkats to last me the whole holiday * does a little victory dance *.. and ended up in his sister's ( my aunt's ) house and sit her now typing this up while "chatting" with my cousins who think i'm not a " social person " because i don't come around very often .. what's up with that ? i am a really busy person .. busy enough to start a blog .. ok maybe no that busy but busy anyway ... man for now i need to stop this because my cousins are staring a little too hard .. i need to pick up the non-existent conversation we were having .. anything to make them happy
* looks at the situation and scratches his head *
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
Thursday, 17 July 2008
All the wrong reasons
It's been 2 days since my last post .. got a bit busy ... so here it is
for all the wrong reasons .. that's what i think ... every thing happened .. so i make mistakes .. i'm only human ..anyway
update
after my last post i went into paper 2 and did amazingly well .. stayed awake all day until like 10 .. then had to take my sister home ... man that girl is soo whiny... she whines about whining... yea i know ... but she's family .. anyway next day ..which was yesterday .. i woke up late .. barely made it to the practical .. did extremely bad .. fell asleep on my desk .. looked around to find no one left in the exam hall .. so i gave my paper in and walked out scratching my head ..everyone on the other side started laughing .. and i had this puzzled look on my face .. turns out my the desk was kinda serrated so my face was marked all over with stripes.. it was funny to look at .. i guess .. i smoked the last cigarette from yesterday's pack in celebration to "the end of my exams" ( i only had one subject to begin with. :p ). anyway .. and i went on my laptop for a minute only for my obnoxious sister to take my laptop to "Study" .. at that point u can only guess how much i hate her... moving on ... i spent the waiting time discussing something with someone ... and i realized that all of it was for the wrong reasons .. all of it .. i don't know anything about it .. i guess i was so happy it happened that i neglected any further efforts to make it better .. i just kept it at the same pace
and then i got bored .. i know i'm being and asshole .. i'm afraid that it wouldn't stand the test of time .. of distance .. and then some friend of mine told me that i shouldn't feel so bad .. coz it's the rule of long distances .. i dunno .. i hate myself for saying this .. i do love her .. man this is some weird shit..a year ago .. i wouldn't have believed that word came out of my mouth .. but people change .. and think i like the new me much more than the old me .. back to the main point i was making .. i just had to let this out .. and this is one long post .. but hey .. that's wat it's for right ? me letting it all out ..
and u know wat maybe that friend of mine is right .. it may have not stood thru the test .. man this is confusing .. but u know wat i'm glad i'll never have to find out .. it's about time i finished this up .. right now .. i'm in the library multitasking .. about to go eat .. yeah i'm getting a new charger .. don't have to borrow casserole's anymore .. and now i wait .. for the solution to my dilemma to come .. coz it will .. i just hope it comes in time
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
for all the wrong reasons .. that's what i think ... every thing happened .. so i make mistakes .. i'm only human ..anyway
update
after my last post i went into paper 2 and did amazingly well .. stayed awake all day until like 10 .. then had to take my sister home ... man that girl is soo whiny... she whines about whining... yea i know ... but she's family .. anyway next day ..which was yesterday .. i woke up late .. barely made it to the practical .. did extremely bad .. fell asleep on my desk .. looked around to find no one left in the exam hall .. so i gave my paper in and walked out scratching my head ..everyone on the other side started laughing .. and i had this puzzled look on my face .. turns out my the desk was kinda serrated so my face was marked all over with stripes.. it was funny to look at .. i guess .. i smoked the last cigarette from yesterday's pack in celebration to "the end of my exams" ( i only had one subject to begin with. :p ). anyway .. and i went on my laptop for a minute only for my obnoxious sister to take my laptop to "Study" .. at that point u can only guess how much i hate her... moving on ... i spent the waiting time discussing something with someone ... and i realized that all of it was for the wrong reasons .. all of it .. i don't know anything about it .. i guess i was so happy it happened that i neglected any further efforts to make it better .. i just kept it at the same pace
and then i got bored .. i know i'm being and asshole .. i'm afraid that it wouldn't stand the test of time .. of distance .. and then some friend of mine told me that i shouldn't feel so bad .. coz it's the rule of long distances .. i dunno .. i hate myself for saying this .. i do love her .. man this is some weird shit..a year ago .. i wouldn't have believed that word came out of my mouth .. but people change .. and think i like the new me much more than the old me .. back to the main point i was making .. i just had to let this out .. and this is one long post .. but hey .. that's wat it's for right ? me letting it all out ..
and u know wat maybe that friend of mine is right .. it may have not stood thru the test .. man this is confusing .. but u know wat i'm glad i'll never have to find out .. it's about time i finished this up .. right now .. i'm in the library multitasking .. about to go eat .. yeah i'm getting a new charger .. don't have to borrow casserole's anymore .. and now i wait .. for the solution to my dilemma to come .. coz it will .. i just hope it comes in time
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
So Far I'm Doing ... not Dying
phew!!!
serious bullet dodging ... i've done well so far ... turns out ... it's about what you study ..not how much u know .. basically study smart .. I'm in a break for paper 2 now going in in at 12:30 pm ... oh yeah . the chronicles .. wat happened exactly was that pulled off an all-nighter with next to no sleep last night .. studies as much as i could .. smoked two packs of bringi( REALLY HEAVY CIGARETTES.. in fact, so heavy that they don't label the packs with the content of the cigarettes .. was online during the act.. this was the gayest night of my life so far ..
well i guess there's a lesson to be learned ...never .. leave it till the last second .. coz trust me
it's not fun ...
off to study for paper 2 now
*fingers crossed*
flexiloquus abdera sensus
serious bullet dodging ... i've done well so far ... turns out ... it's about what you study ..not how much u know .. basically study smart .. I'm in a break for paper 2 now going in in at 12:30 pm ... oh yeah . the chronicles .. wat happened exactly was that pulled off an all-nighter with next to no sleep last night .. studies as much as i could .. smoked two packs of bringi( REALLY HEAVY CIGARETTES.. in fact, so heavy that they don't label the packs with the content of the cigarettes .. was online during the act.. this was the gayest night of my life so far ..
well i guess there's a lesson to be learned ...never .. leave it till the last second .. coz trust me
it's not fun ...
off to study for paper 2 now
*fingers crossed*
flexiloquus abdera sensus
Monday, 14 July 2008
Do or Die
this is me panicking about the exam tomorrow .. which is pretty gay, seeing that i had ten days to study for it . well , i guess it is my fault afterall .. i haven't studied "jackshit" yet ... i got a long way to go ... the exam has 13 hrs left ... if i study non-stop from now to the time of the exam ... i still won't finish .. i guess i have to select what i should study .. discard topics i know anything about.. and focus on the ones i'm clueless about .. any way cramming shud start effectively any moment now.
one minute later ... i'm yet to be motivated .. i guess i have to take the initiative .. and actually start .. but i'm gonna blame myself for wasting my time no matter wat .. so i guess .. i should have good memories in the last hours of my career as a Dentist ... still nothing .. wow .. my senses are numbed by the sheer amount of things i have at stake and i still can't get myself to start .. well i guess .. all the credit foes to that prison/school i was in before here, our exams are frequent enough that we lost all the fear that comes with the imminence of exams .. yes i know .. i'm making futile excuses for myself. so feeble are they that i cannot even convince myself of it.
This is where i stand,i either do or die .. and you probably already know this .. but it's not fun .. yes i know this is the consequence of my own actions .. my own disregard to my responsibility .. my failure to comprehend the weight of the situation i'm in.
I think i just earned myself a forearm of righteousness ..
peace.. will not find a way into my mind today ..
I EITHER DO OR DIE
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
one minute later ... i'm yet to be motivated .. i guess i have to take the initiative .. and actually start .. but i'm gonna blame myself for wasting my time no matter wat .. so i guess .. i should have good memories in the last hours of my career as a Dentist ... still nothing .. wow .. my senses are numbed by the sheer amount of things i have at stake and i still can't get myself to start .. well i guess .. all the credit foes to that prison/school i was in before here, our exams are frequent enough that we lost all the fear that comes with the imminence of exams .. yes i know .. i'm making futile excuses for myself. so feeble are they that i cannot even convince myself of it.
This is where i stand,i either do or die .. and you probably already know this .. but it's not fun .. yes i know this is the consequence of my own actions .. my own disregard to my responsibility .. my failure to comprehend the weight of the situation i'm in.
I think i just earned myself a forearm of righteousness ..
peace.. will not find a way into my mind today ..
I EITHER DO OR DIE
Flexiloquus Abdera Sensus
Findings of a lost soul
true
The Truth Hurts
wise saying ... makes a lot of sense .. until u experience it .. then u just hate the idea.. any way moving back to the main topic .. this is a result of an epiphany I had .. well .. I found out that after such a long time of doing this .. all i've done is make it stable .. and that's not what i want .. but then again .. i got this voice in my head that i've smothered for too long .. and he's right .. it seems that i spent all this time to do it .. and then all what it is i accomplished was provide a base .. which is only the first step .. and now i must build on it .. so basically what i'm trying to say is that . During all those efforts i made to make it happen, i lost myself somewhere on the way .. And myself I need to find.for now i have more pressing matters to worry about .. like the exam i have tomorrow that i am not in the least ready for ... and now for cramming to start ..
i know ..
flexiloquus Andera Sensus
The Truth Hurts
wise saying ... makes a lot of sense .. until u experience it .. then u just hate the idea.. any way moving back to the main topic .. this is a result of an epiphany I had .. well .. I found out that after such a long time of doing this .. all i've done is make it stable .. and that's not what i want .. but then again .. i got this voice in my head that i've smothered for too long .. and he's right .. it seems that i spent all this time to do it .. and then all what it is i accomplished was provide a base .. which is only the first step .. and now i must build on it .. so basically what i'm trying to say is that . During all those efforts i made to make it happen, i lost myself somewhere on the way .. And myself I need to find.for now i have more pressing matters to worry about .. like the exam i have tomorrow that i am not in the least ready for ... and now for cramming to start ..
i know ..
flexiloquus Andera Sensus
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