Tick tock ..

Pitter patter .. trickle .. the wind shield fogs up .. the constant drone of the driver minimized to a bumblebee's buzz .. with a non-committal grunt inserted in the right places .. my mind's free to roam .. looking out the window .. a rain-drop the size of a pea finds its way into my eye .. i blink it out .. tears salty .. stick to the tip of my eye-lashes .. a huge blob clouding my vision .. eyes venture once more .. transfixed by the spray illuminated by the headlights .. running my fingertips through the not so dry air .. the motion tips .. trying aerodynamics .. testing the laws of physics .. who said physics was boring .. and i float .. status .. right .. wrong .. left .. i am .. to live .. to love .. to detach oneself .. choice .. inclinations .. thoughts .. gut wrenching truths .. or the rosy pink existence .. indifference .. apathy .. emotional turmoil .. a safe haven bordered with logic and gated with insecurities .. the walls crack .. creeping across the wall .. the little things .. it tires out eventually .. and cracks .. it's exposed .. inflames .. before i know it it's hitting me again .. interest .. appeal .. indignant morals .. and i ache .. for .. parallel realities .. the thousand creases on the wings of a butterfly .. the uneventful afternoon spent on a rocking chair .. the peace in solace .. the solidity within reason .. the succession of potholes .. the absent mindedness of mobs .. the release unto selflessness .. and .. we're home

The Eye Of The Beholder

I find myself imprinting .. which draws forth .. a beautiful well .. stream of words from me .. at times i don't believe it's me .. but it is .. latest story with me .. her name is .. for lack of literary genius .. let's call her .. Algerian beauty .. it is .. her .. that makes me that .. i can't help it .. it just is .. you'll see what i mean .. words fail .. i swear they do.

I fill my stomach .. Yet i'm nowhere near full
I drink .. Trying to quench the fire .. It burns brighter
Trying to fill the void .. Every second spent in your wake
Every moment in my being .. Dedicated .. To what .. To something .. To someone .. I barely know .. What is this power they possess .. Those wardens of ours .. The Intent .. The clear cut purpose .. This utter devotion .. This urge .. The illogical drive to thrive .. The senseless passion to cushion .. The pathetic migratory slumber .. The steps we take ... it's bleak .. our chances are bleak .. the paths fork into a million others .. all twisting and leading to one

Failure

The next one Hurt more .. coz i thought
My ears prick up at the sound of slippers treading .. Gliding .. Flowing through the corridor .. I shutter my eyes .. Bolt them with willpower .. My head sways with the steady rhythm of her approach .. I seek the wall for support .. Leaning .. Banging my head on the plastered walls .. Their resonance noncompliant with stone .. More a feeble attempt at decent walls .. Still .. The air crisp and dry .. The warmth flows away from me .. The tendrils of the cold caressing my back .. Creeping down my spine .. I almost forget .. And her scent .. The oh so everpresent odor stinging my nose .. A thousand needles stabbing .. Sticking .. Probing my conscience .. Wooing me into consciousness .. The confluence on which upon falters my determination .. Conceding to the wishes of my foolish heart .. My eyes are pried open as i lose the war with matter .. Then she does descend upon the mountain that is my infatuation .. It quivers with anticipation .. The sound and smell once a mosaic .. Now a masterpiece completed with my eyes .. The cauldron of passion brewing under the surface .. Tipping lazily to one side .. Sloshing .. The air grows thin .. Breath comes in shallow croaks .. My vision blurrs .. The light suddenly overwhelming .. Till there was she .. The soft glow emanating from her figure .. The playful slaps of the veil on her shoulder .. The mischevious strands streaking behind her .. The tentative globes blaring with power .. Her blouse hanging loosely exposing an inch of skin .. The blood coursing through my vessels .. Burning .. Heat leaves my skin in waves .. Those pools of hazel .. Boring into my soul .. My eyes fail me .. They fail to capture .. The extravagance .. The sure step .. That carefree laugh .. Not insolent .. Not boasting .. Neither measured nor prosthetic .. She passes me .. Dragging .. Pulling .. Bleeding me dry .. the last pitter-patter of those delicate feet .. Distantly disappearing around the the corner .. This existence of mine once more plunged into a drab colorless odorless world of shadow .. Heading off for a consolatory cigarette .. I think once more .. Reason takes over .. I shrug this trance off .. Willing it .. Pleading with it.. Shutting it into the darkest most desolate corners of my mind .. Only to spring back at her sight ..for i know it cannot .. Will not should not .. Be

and now .. i wait .. for the next time i'm plunged into the world of the living ..

Apathy .. or lack there of

Well i told u i'll be in touch this time .. so through the many days .. a lot of things happened .. some worthy of mentioning .. this is one of those cases .. it seems .. that one of my friends .. a classmate .. an obnoxious one .. extremely annoying .. was crying .. everyone laughed at her face .. a friend took her out .. when she comes back .. turns out her dad got diagnosed with esophageal cancer .. this is how it went ..

Still .. We smile .. She was having a nervous breakdown .. Spun in a guise of physical illness .. We smile .. She shivers with the so called "cold" , tears well up , clouding her vision, she blinks them into the stream forged by their predecessors .. Still we smile .. Bloodshot eyes stare in wonder .. In search of a saviour ..She is scooped up by a sympathetic friend .. Gets up a shivering .. Whimpering , snot nosed being .. A girl at her weakest .. We break out here and there .. Trying to stifle our laughter .. Some succeed .. Others fail .. She's rushed out of class .. The door closes .. The multitude unleash their giggles ..smiles .. Coughs .. And whinnies .. Still we smile .. And poor me .. Lost in this sea of mirth .. Come to a realization so grave .. It would have brought tears into my eyes .. Had i any .. It finally dawned upon me .. It is that .. Within ourselves .. We are as guilty..nay ... Guiltier than any sadist .. we take pleasure in our brethren's pain .. We present ourselves to society with masks that portray us as saints , some better than others .. While They've shed their masks never to be worn again .................................... Later.. The bubble bursts .. .. The truth surfaces .. We regress into wat we were .. The sympathy ..or lack there of .. Hangs in the air.. I sit there jittering .. Afraid to close my eyes .. And everytime i risk it .. I hope the vision goes away .. Coz everytime i do close them .. I see it .. I see a pack of vultures sweeping in .. Hovering over a carcass .. Letting loose their cries and diving in to wet their beaks.. Snapping off flesh and limb .. Claws dripping blood .. Their faces familiar .. And i see my own amongst them .. my eyes open .. I rush to wipe off the moisture from my eyes.. And i look into hers .. Look from one face to another .. I glimpse shards of pity .. All of us.. wallowing in self pity ... I force my eyes shut .. Indulge in a silent prayer .. What i pray for .. I cannot fathom .. All i can hope for .. Is to be human

Tribute

seven months .. where'd you .. i miss u so .. feels like like it's been forever .. time flies by .. it seems .. i've gotten boring-er .. it's been waay too long .. losing my edge .. so .. let's recap .. october .. all the way through to may .. no mean task .. but as a member of Kiss-My-Anthia said .. " Let's do this we shall" .. the memories wash over me .. to drown or not to drown .. oh well .. it's been a rocky seven months for me .. very bumpy .. time and time again .. same story .. different characters .. feels like i've done this before .. have i ? monologues .. soliloquys .. my favourite .. too long to tell in one telling .. one thing i realized from all these months .. is that there are only two states of being .. bad or worse .. so .. what is it .. that makes us happy ..what is it .. that eases the pain .. that makes it bearable .. it is the presence of people .. friends ... brothers .. for better or worse .. there all the way ..sharing it .. all of it .. same blood coursing through our veins .. for they who stood to be my punching bag .. those who taught me .. the meaning of bonds .. how it feels to pull and be pulled out of the darkness .. those who slapped me with the truth .. who punched virtue, kicked confidence , body-slammed fun into me .. now .. on my feet .. standing my ground .. still have a long way to go .. but i see a light at the end of the tunnel .. believe it .. the road doesn't seem so long .. not anymore .. and this .. weany as it may be .. my way .. words .. written .. engraved .. is my tribute .. to you fag .. Puppet master .. Carlton ...